Monday, August 10, 2009




Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides will never agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our separate ways.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributing taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. (You'll be responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.)

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies (??maybe), Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles, the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution and give you ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and the "National Anthem". I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..


John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.


spotted-dick said...

This appears to be a sad reflection on law students today.

1. I find it offensive, than rather tackle a person's political views, he has to make some comment about their size.

2. I had to laugh about paying for the U.N. You don't, you are in arrears. Arrears mean, you have not paid your share. Surely, a lawyer should realize this.

3. Never heard of Anwar, unless you mean Sadat. Now I have heard of ANWR.

4. Again 'hot Alaskan hockey moms'. Really. What has this got to do anything? I do admire Sarah Palin for all the nonsense that she has had to put up with and for her determination and abilities. No it does not make popular amongst those on the left. It just means I can have admiration for a person even though I may not necessarily agree with them. What she looks like should not have anything to do with it. Otherwise you might as well put supermodels up for Candidates.

Finally, I do believe Health Care, like education is a right. Everyone should have access to a basic level of care. I have lived it for over 30 years and yes where necessary I have taken out private care. People should have the freedom to choose. Again, it is not a question of either/or but rather people should be left to make their own decisions.

If people have the choice between private and public education, and believe me, I think there really should be a choice, then why not health care

Barbara LeBey said...

Spotted-dick, you're taking yourself too seriously. TIME TO GET A DIVORCE is satire.

spotted-dick said...

Yes, but satire is meant to be funny.

This is just so not.

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