Saturday, December 20, 2008


Anyone concerned with the future of America should be repelled by that sickeningly sweet brew of hypocrisy and sanctimony called "political correctness." It has poisoned a whole population of Americans who have passed through elite colleges and universities during these last 30 years. Add to that the insane notion that self-esteem has to be nurtured by incessantly repeating "good job" to kids who have done nothing extraordinary. They eat healthy food on their plate and they're told that it was a "good job." They bring home a report card of "C's" and they're told "good job." If they just do their homework, it's a "good job." If they really do something outstanding, how would they know it? Is it any wonder they aspire to nothing more than the mediocre? And why not? The kid who has excellent grades and scores is passed over at our finest prep schools, colleges and universities to make way for a minority kid who gets in with a far less stellar record, and what's more, he or she receives financial aid at the expense of others. Parents of white kids have to pay a lot more to cover the cost of tuition for minority kids even if the family of the minority kid has a substantial income of their own. It just isn't fair, but it's politically incorrect to complain about the unfairness. We’re being trampled and muzzled by political correctness.

When will Americans wake up to the fact that political correctness has to go if we want to reclaim our place of leadership and excellence in the world? We're being corrupted by these views and the leftist press that has been grossly negligent in not identifying and attacking the ongoing deterioration in all phases of our economy resulting from our politically correct educational system.

For more than 30 years, I have watched as scholarship has self-destructed. The Sixties generation, with its irreverence and confrontational style, was hell bent on making profound changes in America's political and cultural life. Now we have Americans voting who have no clue who or what they're voting for. They know nothing about our history, our structure of government or even the names of our elected leaders, some of whom they voted for.
A few months ago, Obama swooners were asked how they liked his choice of Sarah Palin as his Vice President, and they said they were thrilled with her. And how did they like Obama's support for the Iraq war? And they said they agreed with him.

Campus proponents of political correctness have convinced their students and the ill-informed media that they are the authentic reformers for a better America. Insane! Political correctness with its fascist speech codes and glorification of minorities is a travesty and a major contributing factor to our demise as a nation. Excellence has been trampled in favor of affirmative action. Rightly, merit was our goal as a nation. Now minority status is the entry requirement.

The solution is still at hand. We can bring back quality of scholarship rather than slick word play. We need to get away from oppression and victimization politics. We need free thought and free speech. Even making an offensive statement should still be a democratic right. Universities should be organized around vigorous intellectual inquiry not therapy and creature comforts. When will we get sick of hearing someone make a really stupid statement and being rewarded by the words, "thank you for sharing"? Colleges and universities should stop being nursing homes for kids. Politicizing multiculturalism isn't working for the betterment of all Americans. Its rhetoric has simply concealed the venality and sycophancy of the educational marketplace.

Yes, it's time for a change, and this is the change we really need.

Monday, November 24, 2008



Over the years, Hillary has generated extraordinary antagonism, far beyond anything that could be explained by Whitewater or healthcare or being married to Bill. Now that Obama has picked her to be his Secretary of State, she is acquiring a new and admiring status from the media that has always tried to destroy her. At first, I found this about-face puzzling until I realized that she has just been anointed by The One. How can the media continue to vilify her without discrediting their Messiah, the rock star for which there was over-the-top unctuous fawning? They can’t. So, at long last, Hillary will have the coverage she deserves for her brilliance and her hard work instead of the mean-spirited knife wounds inflicted by the likes of churlish Dick Morris, slobbering Chris Matthews, silly Peggy Noonan, overrated Mica Brezinski, poisonous Maureen Dowd, and hare-brained Sally Quinn, not to mention the relentless onslaught by the mainstream media en masse.

Most curious is the glorification of Michelle Obama who has a history javascript:void(0)of espousing black liberation theology. There is only one explanation: she’s black and she’s married to The One. If Hillary were black, she too would have received the favorable press Michelle Obama received. No one could criticize Michelle Obama—it was viewed as sacrilege. Whereas, anyone has been able to criticize Hillary for no damn good reason and get away with it. She’s been taking a beating for all the years she’s been in the limelight going back to her days in Arkansas. Personally, I think there is great jealousy on the part of many and a resentment of a powerful woman with a good brain in her head.

Just think back to the debates with Barack Obama. Hillary was often the first one questioned on any given topic. She was comprehensive in her answers, always well-informed and well-spoken. Barack would smile, look thoughtful and say, “I agree with Hillary.” Next day the media would award Barack the honor of winning the debate. Well, being black, a great stump orator, and having a graceful manner helped to burnish his image. Those attributes, a swooning media, and white guilt carried him to the Presidency. He is eloquent and bright, but Hillary was that too, plus having the right experience. Had she been able to bring bus loads of thugs to the caucuses and willing to fight the delegate thievery, she would be the nominee. As we all know, yesterday is ancient history in the realm of politics, so now we must go forward. I am hopeful that our new President will be a great leader and steer us out of the mess that has been created by the likes of Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, George W. Bush, and the Wall Street robber barons. He has started out on the right foot by appointing a brilliant economic team and the best person to be Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008



In the closing weeks of the election, however, I became increasingly disturbed by the mainstream media's avoidance of forthright dealing with several controversies that had been dogging Obama -- even as every flimsy rumor about Sarah Palin was being trumpeted as if it were engraved in stone on Mount Sinai. For example, I had thought for many months that the flap over Obama's birth certificate was a tempest in a teapot. But simple questions about the certificate were never resolved to my satisfaction. Thanks to their own blathering, fanatical overkill, of course, the right-wing challenges to the birth certificate never gained traction.

But Obama could have ended the entire matter months ago by publicly requesting Hawaii to issue a fresh, long-form, stamped certificate and inviting a few high-profile reporters in to examine the document and photograph it. (The campaign did make the "short-form" certificate available to, a project of the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania.) And why has Obama not made his university records or thesis work widely available? The passivity of the press toward Bush administration propaganda about weapons of mass destruction led the nation into the costly blunder of the Iraq war. We don't need another presidency that finds it all too easy to rely on evasion or stonewalling. I deeply admire Obama, but as a voter I don't like feeling gamed or played.

Another issue that I initially dismissed was the flap over William Ayers, the Chicago-based former member of the violent Weather Underground. Conservative radio host Sean Hannity began the drumbeat about Ayers' association with Obama a year ago -- a theme that most of the mainstream media refused to investigate or even report until this summer. I had never heard of Ayers and couldn't have cared less. I was irritated by Hillary Clinton's aggressive flagging of Ayers in a debate, and I accepted Obama's curt dismissal of the issue.

Hence my concern about Ayers has been very slow in developing. The mainstream media should have fully explored the subject early this year and not allowed it to simmer and boil until it flared up ferociously in the last month of the campaign. Obama may not in recent years have been "pallin' around" with Ayers, in Sarah Palin's memorable line, but his past connections with Ayers do seem to have been more frequent and substantive than he has claimed. Blame for the failure of this issue to take hold must also accrue to the conservative talk shows, which use the scare term "radical" with simplistic sensationalism, blanketing everyone under the sun from scraggly ex-hippies to lipstick-chic Nancy Pelosi.

Pursuing the truth about Ayers, I recently rented the 2002 documentary "The Weather Underground," from Netflix. It was riveting. Although the film seems to waver between ominous exposé and blatant whitewash, the full extent of the group's bombing campaign is dramatically demonstrated. It's not for everyone: The film uses gratuitous cutaways of horrifying carnage, from the Vietnam War to the Manson murders (such as Sharon Tate's smiling corpse, bathed in blood). But the news footage of the Greenwich Village townhouse destroyed in 1970 by bomb-making gone wrong in the basement still has enormous impact. Standing in the chaotic street, actor Dustin Hoffman, who lived next door, seems like Everyman at the apocalypse.
Ayers comes off in the film as a vapid, slightly dopey, chronic juvenile with stunted powers of ethical reasoning. The real revelation is his wife, Bernardine Dohrn (who evidently worked at the same large Chicago law firm as Michelle Obama in the mid-1990s). Of course I had heard of Dohrn -- hers was one of the most notorious names of our baby-boom generation -- and I knew her black-and-white police mug shot. But I had never seen footage of her speaking or interacting with others. Well, it's pretty obvious who wears the pants in that family!

The mystery of Bernardine Dohrn: How could such a personable, attractive, well-educated young woman end up saying such things at a 1969 political rally as this (omitted in the film) about the Manson murders: "Dig it. First they killed those pigs, then they ate dinner in the same room with them. They even shoved a fork into a victim's stomach. Wild!" And how could Dohrn have so ruthlessly pursued a decade-long crusade of hatred and terrorism against innocent American citizens and both private and public property?

"The Weather Underground" never searches for answers, but it does show Dohrn, then and now, as a poised, articulate woman of extremely high intelligence and surprising inwardness. The audio extra of her reading the collective's first public communiqué ("Revolutionary violence is the only way") is chilling. But the tumultuous footage of her 1980 surrender to federal authorities is a knockout. Mesmerized, I ran the clip six or seven times of her seated at a lawyer's table while reading her still defiant statement. The sober scene -- with Dohrn hyper-alert in a handsome turtleneck and tweedy jacket -- was tailor-made for Jane Fonda in her "Klute" period, androgynous shag. Only illegalities by federal investigators prevented Dohrn from being put away on ice for a long, long time.

Given that Obama had served on a Chicago board with Ayers and approved funding of a leftist educational project sponsored by Ayers, one might think that the unrepentant Ayers-Dohrn couple might be of some interest to the national media. But no, reporters have been too busy playing mini-badminton with every random spitball about Sarah Palin, who has been subjected to an atrocious and at times delusional level of defamation merely because she has the temerity to hold pro-life views.

How dare Palin not embrace abortion as the ultimate civilized ideal of modern culture? How tacky that she speaks in a vivacious regional accent indistinguishable from that of Western Canada! How risible that she graduated from the University of Idaho and not one of those plush, pampered commodes of received opinion whose graduates, in their rush to believe the worst about her, have demonstrated that, when it comes to sifting evidence, they don't know their asses from their elbows.

Liberal Democrats are going to wake up from their sadomasochistic, anti-Palin orgy with a very big hangover. The evil genie released during this sorry episode will not so easily go back into its bottle. A shocking level of irrational emotionalism and at times infantile rage was exposed at the heart of current Democratic ideology -- contradicting Democratic core principles of compassion, tolerance and independent thought. One would have to look back to the Eisenhower 1950s for parallels to this grotesque lock-step parade of bourgeois provincialism, shallow groupthink and blind prejudice.

I like Sarah Palin, and I've heartily enjoyed her arrival on the national stage. As a career classroom teacher, I can see how smart she is -- and quite frankly, I think the people who don't see it are the stupid ones, wrapped in the fuzzy mummy-gauze of their own worn-out partisan dogma. So she doesn't speak the King's English -- big whoop! There is a powerful clarity of consciousness in her eyes. She uses language with the jumps, breaks and rippling momentum of a be-bop saxophonist. I stand on what I said (as a staunch pro-choice advocate) in my last two columns -- that Palin as a pro-life wife, mother and ambitious professional represents the next big shift in feminism. Pro-life women will save feminism by expanding it, particularly into the more traditional Third World.

As for the Democrats who sneered and howled that Palin was unprepared to be a vice-presidential nominee -- what navel-gazing hypocrisy! What protests were raised in the party or mainstream media when John Edwards, with vastly less political experience than Palin, got John Kerry's nod for veep four years ago? And Gov. Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas, for whom I lobbied to be Obama's pick and who was on everyone's short list for months, has a record indistinguishable from Palin's. Whatever knowledge deficit Palin has about the federal bureaucracy or international affairs (outside the normal purview of governors) will hopefully be remedied during the next eight years of the Obama presidencies.

The U.S. Senate as a career option? What a claustrophobic, nitpicking comedown for an energetic Alaskan -- nothing but droning committees and incestuous back-scratching. No, Sarah Palin should stick to her governorship and just hit the rubber-chicken circuit, as Richard Nixon did in his long haul back from political limbo following his California gubernatorial defeat in 1962. Step by step, the mainstream media will come around, wipe its own mud out of its eyes, and see Palin for the populist phenomenon that she is.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


Please watch this video if you want to understand why Hillary did not get the nomination. Add to what is said on the video that ACORN carried bus loads of Obama maniacs to those caucuses and they not only voted illegally but they scared Hillary people away.

Below is the link. Just copy and paste it in your browser window.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Cougar Women aren't the only ones who attract younger men. Most men are drawn to women who are confident, friendly, youthful and approachable, notwithstanding age. Do you have to look a lot younger than your age? Not necessarily, but the kind of woman who attracts a younger man is usually energetic and sexy, not only in her appearance but in the way she carries herself and interacts with men. If you want to see a perfect example of the stunning older woman/younger man relationship, watch "Lipstick Jungle" at 10 pm on Wednesday night on NBC.

Monday, September 8, 2008


Those of us who are fearful of Obama don't want to become fearful of you, but learning of your extreme religious right views are making us wary. You may have chosen to have a fifth child with Down's Syndrome, but many women don't want to shoulder that burden. If they want to abort, will you impose your views and stand in their way?

We have no rights as women if we can't control our bodies. If you try to ban abortion, you are depriving us of those rights. What woman wants to bear a child that is a product of rape or incest? Frankly, there aren't many. If you pursue your rigid stance and try to impose it on American women, they will grow to despise you.

Stem cell research with embryonic cells must go forth. Don't stand it its way.

Birth control and sex education is essential in our society to prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. Please be open to this. Abstinence and no sex education doesn't work. Need we remind you of the situation in your own family. Don't stand in the way of enlightenment.

If you deny women the right to abortions, we will have a nation that will be overrun by unwanted children. Many, if not most, will come from poor minority families. How will that help to make our country strong?

We are a country of many views, many religions, many cultures. We can't tolerate a bias that deprives people of their freedoms--religion or none at all is a big one.

My advice for you from those of us who want to support the McCain/Palin ticket: Keep your religion personal and don't make it a mainstay of your candidacy.

Friday, August 15, 2008


QUESTION: I’m 48, divorced, and I’d like to go out with a younger man but some of my friends think it’s unseemly. They’ve said men who go out with older women are only interested in sex. I want a companion, someone to do things with-- travel, have dinner, see a movie. I’m attracted to younger men, but I don’t want to be called a cougar. I don’t want to feel sleazy. How do I overcome that impression and find what I’m looking for?

ANSWER: Here goes. Men are motivated toward women based on sexual attraction. It’s a given. Face it, and live with it. It’s what makes the world go round. That doesn’t mean you have to feel sleazy to get yourself gussied up to meet a younger man. If you’re bent on presenting yourself as a schoolmarm or librarian, go right ahead, but you won’t be drawing bees to the honey. That is not to say, you have to dress like a pole dancer, though I’m told high-priced call girls are very stylish and elegant. Don’t show too much cleavage, but a little. Don’t wear clothes that are skin tight, but clingy enough to show your curves in a dignified way. And stop worrying that men go out with older women for sex. Recognize an obvious fact—men go out with all women whatever their age with a desire to get her into bed. Because you’re older, consider it a complement that the younger man finds you just as appealing as he would a younger woman. Know that it’s up to you to decide what you hope to get out of the relationship and if and when you want to hop into bed. Fortunately, those rules haven’t changed. As for not wanting to be considered a cougar—that’s easy—don’t go to a bar and broadcast your desire to have a meaningful relationship for one night. And when some younger man initiates contact, certainly don’t tell him that a hard man is good to find, or words to that effect. It’s also worth knowing that men use sex to get love; women use love to get sex. What both really want is intimacy. People today say they’ve been intimate meaning they had sex. Intimacy and sexuality are not synonymous. You can go out, meet some one and have wild sex with that person. That’s not intimacy. Insects do it. Goats do it. It’s sex, but it’s not intimacy. Your desire to do things together and enjoying each other over a period of time is really what promotes intimacy. These are the activities that you can talk about with anyone. Even if the man’s immediate objective is to have sex, he is really seeking intimacy, so don’t be put off by what men do to lure you into bed. Just delay it until you know that you want to have sex with him as an expression of caring because this man is a keeper.

Friday, August 8, 2008


Remember I said the National Enquirer article calling Edwards on his extramarital affair was probably true. Comments were made criticizing me for that opinion. So be it. To me, the tragedy of the situation is the damage, not to Edwards, but to a wife, a very lovely and devoted wife, mother of his children, who is now terminally ill with Cancer. Imagine the humiliation she must feel during her final days of life after being there for him through two rigorous campaigns, the last one during her radiation and chemo-therapy. And, yes, the embarrassment to his children. My goodness, couldn't he have restrained those primal urges.

Just wait--they'll be more coming out on Obama, when he is long past his (I hope unsuccessful) run for President and is no longer on the main stage.

A mother had just finished bathing her little three-year-old boy. He looked down between his legs.

"Mommy, are those my brains?"

"Not yet, dear. They will be one day."

The message of this post: Hillary should have been the nominee. She would have won, and we would not have a worry about where her brains are located.

Saturday, July 26, 2008


The sex police are out and screaming their heads off about John Edwards and his supposed infidelity with Rielle Hunter, who is reportedly the mother of his love child.
This story has too many factual details to be untrue, but, let's face it, Edwards is a hunk, a man, a politician, wealthy, and often on the road alone. Is anyone surprised? I really do think it's time to stop dwelling on everyone's sexuality. Those who say "if a man will lie to his wife about an affair, he'll lie about anything" must be living on a different planet. There aren't very many men who tell their wives the truth about their infidelity, and the statistics on infidelity are soaring. So...if we want men in public office who will tell truth when they are unfaithful, or men who are never unfaithful, we are going to have to resort to women in charge because you just aren't going to find men who meet that standard unless they're comatose. Speaking of comatose...was that the problem with Jimmy Carter, and now George W. Bush, both of whom appear to have been faithful to their wives but lied like hell about all the important things.

And just wait--we might hear more from Larry Sinclair and the boys who have enjoyed the pleasure of Obama or will they all wind up dead? Three young men, including one of the gay men in Obama's church died mysteriously. I know I'm going to get flack on this one, not on Edwards because he has never represented himself to be the Messiah, but Obama--pure as the driven snow. Oh sure. Puleez!

Friday, May 23, 2008


Shortly after Mary got out of a long-term relationship (3 years and a dog) she went on a date with a guy she met on one of the well known dating sites. Jack was handsome, successful, and judging from the exchanged e-mails, utterly charming. It was the first post-breakup date for both of them, and Mary felt very out of practice. At the restaurant, they made awkward small talk about the bread, ("love the smell of bread right out of the oven"),the latest debate between the two presidential candidates ("he's not much on detail"), the weather, ( too hot for this early in the season"). After comparing their opinions on the salads, desperation set in as the entrees arrived. That's when Mary made the new to dating scene's most fatal conversational gaffe: she asked Jack about his recently broken marriage. After that, it was all about Jack and the years he'd spent miserably married to a woman who treated him like a piece of furniture that needed to be reupholstered. Mary tried to change the subject, but Jack was not going to move on to any other topic until Mary said to herself she'd had enough. She looked at her watch. "Oh my goodness, I'm going to be late for my next appointment. She opened her wallet, pulled out a twenty and said, "This should take care of my portion. I've got to go."

Forget romance. A first date is like a job interview--except it works both ways. When you tell a story about your friend who's dating a guy of a different race, your date should know you're testing his views on social politics. When you say that you can't believe how badly some people treat waiters, you're assessing your date's level of empathy. When you say you went to a new exhibit at the museum and loved the impressionist paintings, you're judging your date's appreciation of the arts.

As in a job interview, the goal is to impart general information without imparting too much information. Don't go into great detail about previous relationships or your intimate health history or the trouble you're having with your kids, if you have kids. Of course, it's natural to want to break the ice and let your guard down if you hope that this person will become your lover at some future time, but the details should wait for a second or third date. At the very early stages, you're not you--you're the ambassador of you. So the rule is: BETTER LEFT UNSAID.

You don't have to fill every silence. Just chew your food and sip your drink. And don't seem to be interrogating your new friend as if you were getting ready to take his or her polygraph. The first date should be more surface using the time to see if there's any chemistry in what you see, providing what you hear doesn't turn you off.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. A soft glance at your date, a smile, a nod at something he or she said that appeals to your senses. Like at the end of the date, instead of mumbling some lame version of "I'll call you," just go home and pick up the phone to say how much you enjoyed meeting her or him. Either one can do this. We do live in an equal society now, and a man who just took a new woman to lunch might like the encouragement of a phone call to thank him. Because beneath the surface, that what the entire first date conversation was about: would there or would there not be a second date.

All the rest is filler.

Monday, May 5, 2008


John brought this hot young thing home from a date. It was a tough time for John having just gone through an acrimonious divorce from a fifteen year marriage that had turned sour and even more than that, it had turned mean. John, 41, was smugly convinced he was still the man he used to be. Until—it hit.

Despite a persistent (and even valiant) attempt, he couldn't perform no matter how hard he tried. The hottie just looked at him as if he were an archeological fossil. For the first time in his life, his youth, his virility, his very ability was suddenly in question. Never mind that a few drinks might have been playing a role. He rolled over, humiliated. What was next--balding, incontinence, memory loss, or worse, a life without sex? Regardless of how well adjusted a guy might think he is, the day will come when he abruptly awakens to what he once was and will likely never be again. This midlife thing isn't a threshold you cross; it's a dark hall down which you take a walk. And along the way are doors behind which (you think) wild parties roar. There's the bash for guys with trophy wives, the blast for men with new hair, and the tailgate for those who just bought Porsches. The urge to turn a knob and enter is irrepressible.

Some friends will advise that he grow up, but to no avail--he feels driven to act in ways that can be totally disruptive of life. The reasons why are both simple and complex. Instead of growing up, he gives in to temptation, and does all the radical, seemingly stupid things men typically do in an effort to find answers and youth. From driving a sports car to quitting his job to dating someone half his age.

From an evolutionary perspective, men have two basic needs: One is to survive; the other is to reproduce. And of the two, reproduction screams louder. Believe it or not, if there's a chance he can have sex, even if it means putting his life at risk, most guys will go for the sex. His genes care more about vaulting into the next generation than they do about whether he lives another week. So it makes sense to look as good as possible. And if the hair is going gray and/or thinning, the guy who never stepped foot in a beauty salon is going there for hair color, or doing comb overs. He may even go for hair transplants.

Now, he wants toys to attract the hotties. So he buys a sports car, or a Jet Ski, or some other bit of flash. He justifies the expense as a harmless reward for years of sacrifice and service, but on a deeper level it marks the start of a search.
The new 450-horsepower Porsche 911 Turbo gets a real thumbs up. Women notice a guy driving a $150,000 automobile. But there's a blind spot. From his position in the driver's seat, he doesn’t see that they're noticing the car first, and then what it represents: power, wealth, and significance. He doesn’t care. When he’s tooling around, he’s on a high and doesn’t realize that it’s not about him.

If the guy is still married, the urge to cheat is heightened. As men age, the hormone levels shift, which means they have a higher estrogen-to-testosterone ratio. Subsequently, they grow softer and more sensitive--essentially more feminine. At the same time, women of that age have a higher testosterone-to-estrogen ratio. They grow tougher and more empowered, and even sexier, but the midlife crisis prevents hubby from noticing. So husbands and wives at this point in their lives are often moving in different directions. As a result, the time is ripe for infidelity and breakup. At precisely the period when men are desiring more attention and respect, their rejected partners are typically giving them less, so they often find another woman.

John made the break. He divorced the fat wife who, on a good day, treated him like a piece of furniture. Here’s some of John’s story: “Jennifer is a 24-year-old, blue-eyed blonde who nannies for a friend and his wife. She's aware of my age. The night before our "date," I trimmed my ear hair and watched 2 hours of MTV. Jennifer smiled when she met me. I felt my heart flutter (or it could have been arrhythmia). Over champagne and hors d'oeuvres at the Blue Ridge Grill, she let it slip that her father is 45. During the main course, there were extended moments of awkward silence during which I felt like a bumbling adolescent. And after dessert, she took my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. She felt so soft and new, like a fresh bloom. I resisted looking into her eyes for fear of what I might find, not in her but in me. This is dangerous. Unless you are so fed up with your life that you're willing to risk losing it, don't go here. I took Jennifer home, not totally without relief. There was no parting hug, no kiss, no mention of the future--on purpose. She said she'd had fun, but I didn't even want to hear that. Such a woman can either make you forget your age entirely or create a true crisis.

Introspection was next on the agenda. That I’d lived all these years and somehow missed the point. Deep down, I knew sports cars and young hotties weren’t the answer.

I sought out two Tibetan lamas and asked them three questions:
(1) If change is good, why do I resist it?
(2) Why can't I ever seem to be satisfied?
(3) Why am I here?

According to them, all my questions have the same answer. My fear, my restlessness, my quest for something deeper is a result of not knowing who I am. To meet this man, they recommend I check in with myself for 5 minutes every day (just as I do with voice and e-mail) and ask myself two questions:

(1) What have I done today that was meaningful?
(2) What meaningful change do I intend to make in my life tomorrow?

If I practice this daily, these wise men contend, I'll no longer find life so troublesome."

Men nowadays live by an ethic of constant improvement. But at middle age, many men see themselves stagnating. The baby-boom generation has been socialized to keep working really hard and to keep starting over. If they’re not starting something new, they often feel they’re not achieving. Compounding this is the fact that by midlife many men have already achieved what took their fathers an entire lifetime. When what you want is already in hand, why continue to pretend?

Half of the mid life man says suck it up, quit complaining, and put in another 20 years of a dead marriage or a dead job or both. But the other half insists on getting out before numbness sets in and all energy is sapped. So there is this conflict to keep things in perspective, be grateful for what life has given thus far and be satisfied. The other half says there is so much more but that means taking risk. The logical side says play it safe. The adventurous side says go for it. The world is out there and it holds so much promise.

Two weeks later, John had a date with Angie, age 48, a paralegal who had one college age son. They went to dinner and spent two hours talking and laughing and never ran out of things to say to each other. She liked the same music John liked, read similar books, lived through the same times. All that made for a comfort level John didn’t have with the sweet young thing. He knew he could meet Angie's expectations. There was never a moment of boredom or indifference. Amazingly, Angie was energizing, youth-restoring, and made John feel happy to be alive. His next goal was to deal with the two questions the Tibetan monks offered to him in his quest for the meaning of it all. And he was ready to do it.

Friday, April 4, 2008


Tonight I watched a movie called "The Good Woman," based on Oscar Wilde's play, Lady Windemere's Fan. I read the play a long time ago while I was in college, but the words of the infamous Wilde made little impact on me then. I was too young, devoid of life's experiences to understand their import. A few of his insights are worth repeating:

"We can't shut our eyes to everything that is imperfect, or we should all fall into the abyss."

"Every saint has a past; every sinner has a future."

"Devilish women are a bother; good ones are a bore."

"Every man is born a fool; every man dies a liar."

"We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

And my favorite one: "It takes practice and skill to live without regret."

Friday, March 21, 2008


I have to share this with those who come here to visit because it is as hot and trendy as the main topic of my blog. Frankly, what this black woman has has to say brings tears to my eyes.

Enough with the dirty looks. Race is not the overriding feature of my identity.

I am a Hillary Clinton supporter.

There, I said it.

And I'm tired of the dirty looks I get when I out myself. Why is it so surprising that someone like me – a black, educated, progressive chick – would put my support behind Hillary Clinton?

Oh, I know. I'm black, so, of course, I should support Barack Obama for the number one position in the country.

My good friend recently rolled her eyes in exasperation because she'd been patient with me, waiting for me to come to my senses, but suspected that I'd still not yet hopped over into the Obama camp.

Just before Super Tuesday, as I broke bread with another friend, she sucked her teeth and shot me an incredulous look when I admitted to backing Hillary.

The other day I attended a candlelight banquet for Morehouse College, where actor and MC of the evening Hill Harper took a few minutes to remind the distinguished crowd of Atlanta's finest luminaries that he and Barack went to law school together and that he would be happy to accept money that anyone wanted to donate. He got laughter, resounding applause, and I imagine a few checks slipped into his open palm. Somehow, I suspected that if I got up on stage and offered to take checks for Hillary, I'd hear the crickets chirping in the background.

What's funny to me, though, is that before Barack entered the race, many friends and family were excited about Hillary, thrilled, actually; they believed that she was our beacon of hope, that she represented profound change. But now that Barack has entered the building, these same people have turned against Hillary and put her down, even though her positions and beliefs have not changed.

Quite frankly, I'm tired of dealing with friends, family and co-workers who cannot believe that I've fallen for the supposed race lies of the Clinton machine, that I can't see how they are manipulating this race and treating our brother – this bright light, this brilliant man – so poorly.

It's interesting that these outraged critics rarely reference the gender lines that have been crossed, the attacks Hillary has endured from opponents and the press for the past 16 years. She's been attacked for her hair, her clothes, her facial expressions, her mannerisms…John McCain even joked that she'd had sex with Janet Reno to produce Chelsea – what's up with that??? And most of us remained silent at these barbs.

I would even dare say that some of us most likely agreed with the assessments and snickered behind our hands. It's never okay to be racist in our world, but, unfortunately, it's still 'normal' to be sexist. I don't know how that level of unchallenged scrutiny and scathing criticism might develop into survival tactics when called to deal with the press and opponents now. Frankly, it amazes me that Hillary is still standing with her shoulders straight in the face of it all.

Now, in case you're questioning, I do have race pride. No question about it. I am absolutely connected to the beautiful, soulful energy of African-American culture. But I hate that I just had to say that. I hate that all black Clinton supporters are somehow expected to qualify their blackness, as if we are naïve at best and traitors to the race at worst. Hillary's national co-chair, Sheila Jackson Lee, had to do it, too. She said on the Tavis Smiley Show, "I did not leave my blackness at the door. I am still a sister. I shout in the church. I love the Lord. And I love my people."

I'm tired of race being the overriding defining piece of my identity, of black women's identities. Like Sojourner Truth said years ago, "Ain't I a woman?" Doesn't that side of me deserve attention too?

I've traveled this election's campaign trail on assignment – Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina – and I've been moved, touched and inspired by the new fervor for politics everywhere, but I've also been saddened. I met two young gentlemen from George Washington University who'd volunteered for the Obama campaign in South Carolina. One, very eloquent and smart – the kind of guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents, told me plainly that black women will always be seen as black before they are seen as women. He was a gender studies major with a concentration in black feminist theory; he shook his head and said gravely, "Race will always trumps gender."

But why? Why am I asked to always put one before the other?

A few days ago, I had the good fortune to sit in Gloria Steinem's living room. The small group included Spelman College VIPs Beverly Guy-Sheftall and Johnnetta Cole, television personality Judge Glenda Hatchett, actress Lisa Gay Hamilton, Feminist Majority Foundation president Eleanor Smeal and CosmoGIRL! Editor-in-Chief Susan Schulz. We had gathered to discuss strategies to raise money for Spelman's Women's Research & Resource Center.

Ironically enough, the center's research focuses on the intersections and tensions between race and gender.

I can't say that everyone there supported Hillary, but I can say there was some much-appreciated space and understanding for those of us who did. Here I was not considered naïve or misinformed, but rather I was acknowledged and applauded for taking into consideration the complex issues of gender that are still getting swept under the rug.

The truth is that the rape of, the violence against and the suppression of millions of beautiful souls just because they have ovaries is happening in every community all over the globe, and most people are not talking about it. Because my spirit swells with compassion for women's causes and concerns, I gave my heart to Hillary long ago. To me, Hillary Clinton represents revolution and radical change for the often unnoticed and forgotten 'other half' of the world's population.

If she inspires even a few of the millions of girls and women in this world to believe that they too could run for an impossible office and win, then she's the harbinger of the kind of change I think the world needs. Until we have a balanced world leadership – with men and plenty of women, especially women of color, at the table - encouraging countries to disarm, creating coalitions, focusing on the environment and supporting the least among them, change will remain a pipe dream.

I envision a new world order that works inside of compassion rather than force and that includes women at every step.

I compared the voting records and positions of Hillary and Barack. She's a bit more liberal on foreign policy and the war and he's slightly more liberal on affirmative action. She's more outspoken on women's reproductive rights, but his voting record indicates that he too is a supporter. And so on. They match or they compliment each other on the major issues. The bottom line is that these two reside in the same political orbit. I have no quarrel with those of you who support Barack – he's a fine choice – but I do get upset with those who begrudge me my choice and who dismiss Hillary because of these recent spats in the media (I know YOU know that CNN and Fox get higher ratings every time they fan the Clinton/ Obama race flames).

Hillary's politics and global intentions are dead-on. And I believe that having a woman in the most powerful position in this country is a step in the right direction of creating the world I dream of. So, again I say this loudly and proudly, I'm a Hillary supporter - through and through.

Tara Roberts is the Senior Editor at CosmoGIRL! magazine.

Friday, March 14, 2008


1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are, so don’t ask.

2. Don’t wear short hair like a man. Men love long hair.

3. Sometimes he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

5. Anything you wear is fine, really. Even nothing.

6. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect a man to like it.

7. A headache doesn’t impair the use of other parts of the body.

8. Don’t fake it. He’d rather be ineffective than deceived. He says.

9. Women who show cleavage have no right to object when a guy looks at their boobs.

10. Never buy a new brand of beer just because it’s on sale.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


In 1986, Newsweek Magazine reported that college-aged women who are still single at the age of 35 have only a 5 percent chance of ever getting married. The stats confirmed what had been suspected: that many women who seemed to have it all--good looks, good jobs, advanced degrees and high salaries were going to miss out on having a good mate. So mother's dire prediction was right: if you wait too long all the good men will be gone.

What was missing from the equation was some very critical information--that there was no man shortage, simply a shortage of men their age or older. But at that time, the study struck fear in the hearts of so many women because the practice of dating younger men was still taboo, not even talked about. Now, in 2008, it's laughable that a woman would decline a date with a man because he's younger. Today, his age wouldn't even enter her mind unless the age gap was really huge.

Today's woman has proven she's willing to battle for new options. Here is a list of her options--all of them forcing society to change. These changes have been won by women as a result of the women's movement that began in the late 1960's:
--the opportunity to be an independent, self reliant woman who can support herself, no longer seeking personal identity and expression through a man.
--the opportunity to enter professions and occupations once open to "men only," such as medicine, law, business, engineering, and politics.
--the opportunity to have a lover, to live openly with a man and not have to sneak around to do it.
--the opportunity to marry and have a family, raising children that turn out beautifully despite the presence of both parents working.

One glass ceiling that still needs to be broken is meeting real gender bias, having a woman elected to be President of the United States. I just have to believe that ceiling is about to be broken. Hopefully, we will soon be able to applaud the swearing in of President Hillary Clinton.

Monday, March 3, 2008


No one likes getting dumped, but it happens to most people at some point in their lives. The question is: How do you recover from the rejection? Some people will withdraw after a painful breakup and become very self-protective, wary of another hurt. Understandable--the loss of love is devastating. That's fine for a time, but not if it keeps you from putting yourself out there and trying again. Even if you feel you could never love like that another time, you need to try. It's nonsense to think that there's just one perfect person for you. Maybe there's just one perfect person in your circle of the people you know. But think of all the people you don't know, and any one of them might be even more suitable than the one who disappointed you. You need to circulate, put yourself in situations where you'll meet lots of new people. I remind you of the vast array of people you can meet through online dating sites. You can love again. Being able to love requires trusting your emotions. Imagine love to be possible for you, that is if you're willing to be vulnerable again. People recover all the time. Wounds heal. And the best medicine for a damaged heart is to open yourself up to a new and special person. He or she is out there.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


• We can reach out to literally millions of people while being completely alone.
• The Internet can create a powerful feeling of closeness to someone whom we have never met or seen.
• On the Internet it’s easier to be honest, and, at the same time, to be more deceitful. It’s less embarrassing to speak the truth when the person may be someone you’ll never see face to face. And for that same reason, it’s easy to lie.
• The Internet allows a meeting without ever leaving home.
• On the Internet we connect only with our thoughts and emotions, but not with our bodies.
• Because of the distance, we have a sense of safety, but we don’t really know the intentions of the other person.
• On the Internet, we feel that we have the complete attention of the other person, and yet he or she can be involved in many other activities of which we’re not aware

Saturday, February 2, 2008


Why are some people so good at flirting? It's second nature to them. They aren't even aware they're doing it much of the time. It's body language, gesture, stance, eye contact. They tilt their heads, toss their hair, give small smiles with a sideways glance. The tilted head on a woman allows her to show her sensuous, smooth neck. The sideways glance is often followed by a glance away or downward, a coy smile. Men do it too... a come hither look, maybe eyebrows raised. You're telling that you're available, ready for physical engagement. In primal terms, you're saying that you want to be in the embrace of the other person, and these are the signals before the verbal stage. And here's the real kicker: Evolutionary biologists say that those who are adept at flirting are much more likely to find a mate than those who don't flirt. Flirting is part of the universal ritual of romance. It comes natural to some, but it can be learned behavior. If you go to a gathering of singles, you will soon spot the master flirts. Watch and learn. You can be one of them.
Add to Technorati Favorites