QUESTION: I’m 48, divorced, and I’d like to go out with a younger man but some of my friends think it’s unseemly. They’ve said men who go out with older women are only interested in sex. I want a companion, someone to do things with-- travel, have dinner, see a movie. I’m attracted to younger men, but I don’t want to be called a cougar. I don’t want to feel sleazy. How do I overcome that impression and find what I’m looking for?
ANSWER: Here goes. Men are motivated toward women based on sexual attraction. It’s a given. Face it, and live with it. It’s what makes the world go round. That doesn’t mean you have to feel sleazy to get yourself gussied up to meet a younger man. If you’re bent on presenting yourself as a schoolmarm or librarian, go right ahead, but you won’t be drawing bees to the honey. That is not to say, you have to dress like a pole dancer, though I’m told high-priced call girls are very stylish and elegant. Don’t show too much cleavage, but a little. Don’t wear clothes that are skin tight, but clingy enough to show your curves in a dignified way. And stop worrying that men go out with older women for sex. Recognize an obvious fact—men go out with all women whatever their age with a desire to get her into bed. Because you’re older, consider it a complement that the younger man finds you just as appealing as he would a younger woman. Know that it’s up to you to decide what you hope to get out of the relationship and if and when you want to hop into bed. Fortunately, those rules haven’t changed. As for not wanting to be considered a cougar—that’s easy—don’t go to a bar and broadcast your desire to have a meaningful relationship for one night. And when some younger man initiates contact, certainly don’t tell him that a hard man is good to find, or words to that effect. It’s also worth knowing that men use sex to get love; women use love to get sex. What both really want is intimacy. People today say they’ve been intimate meaning they had sex. Intimacy and sexuality are not synonymous. You can go out, meet some one and have wild sex with that person. That’s not intimacy. Insects do it. Goats do it. It’s sex, but it’s not intimacy. Your desire to do things together and enjoying each other over a period of time is really what promotes intimacy. These are the activities that you can talk about with anyone. Even if the man’s immediate objective is to have sex, he is really seeking intimacy, so don’t be put off by what men do to lure you into bed. Just delay it until you know that you want to have sex with him as an expression of caring because this man is a keeper.
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6 comments:
As long as they are legal, what is the problem?
People are usually jealous if they see an older woman with a younger man, most probably because they are not getting any and make catty remarks, to prevent those that do.
Sex is a major drive in a relationship with women, but there are situations, where a man just will not have sex with you, because he considers you too heinous, or because you have the lights on, but no one home.
There are men that will just use you for sex, but there again, you have to think to yourself, what do I want from this relationship. Some , want a short term fling, others want something long term. I personally, would have more time for a woman, that would not drop her panties at the first opportunity, than someone who is just going to jump into bed straight away.
To Spotted-dick, the name raises my curiosity...no pun intended. But good for you. You are definitely of the right mindset.
To Spotted-dick, the name raises my curiosity...no pun intended. But good for you. You are definitely of the right mindset.
To Spotted-dick, the name raises my curiosity...no pun intended. But good for you. You are definitely of the right mindset.
I was born and bred in England and Spotted-Dick, is one of my favourite after dinner treats.
Residing in the United States as I do, the "seaside postcard" cheekiness, is just now a distant memory.
Cool blog. I dig your site outline and I plan on returning again! I just love finding blogs like this
when I have the time.
Peter
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