Saturday, January 3, 2009


Flings with bad boys are poignant reminders that at any given moment what you thought would be appealing is no longer appealing, and that’s why women need flings in addition to their long term commitments. Or while waiting for Mr. Right to come along, there’s no reason to pine away in loneliness. Flings are not to be confused with serious relationships. Of course, it could grow into the real thing, but that’s definitely a long shot. Flings are a category unto themselves. These are not affairs. Affairs occur when one or both are married, and that’s a whole different moral complexity. I don’t know very many married people who haven’t at one time or another considered having an affair, or, in fact, had one. Many times, married friends have called me to say they are frenzied with desire for someone other than his or her spouse. It’s normal. What’s unpredictable is when people cross the line.

Years ago, one of my married older friends, whom I would vote least likely to have an affair, was having one with her chiropractor, who I might add, was also married. This was during my acting days—I was playing the part of Maggie the Cat in an off Broadway Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and my friend was playing the role of Big Momma. That should tell you why I was so surprised that she was tumbling around with her chiropractor. Affairs have torn families apart, even nations for that matter. The bad thing about affairs is that there is so much at risk—precisely why they are so damn enticing.

Flings, on the other hand, are freebies and rarely cause upheaval to people we care about. Singles can fling at will. True, the thrill is not as heightened as it is when home wrecking is at stake and lies have to be told, and meetings have to be clandestine. Even sex has to be hurried and sometimes played out in the back seat of cars on remote country roads. A fling is quite delicious, at least for the first week. It can’t go on too much longer or it could become a relationship, to which I say watch your step. New flings are like coming home to a great big package on your front porch. Who doesn’t like a beautifully wrapped surprise gift? And you never know what’s in the package until you tear off all the wrappings—a mystery therein that keeps our blood flowing and our hearts beating.

The other great beauty of a fling is that you don’t have to be concerned about his age or his occupation because he isn’t going to be permanent. He’s a sweet tidbit that you indulge in even while staying on your diet most of the time. Mind you, it’s not for the feint of heart because he is not reliable and may even have a permanent girlfriend who has priority. The best fling types are bad boys, not ex-cons or drug pushers or even scam artists. But what I mean is someone who is just not right for you for any number of reasons. Maybe he’s a race car driver or a Delta pilot or a bartender, and maybe he has some quirky needs like wanting to give you a bath or a oil rub down all over, or maybe he likes very beautiful and successful older women but feels unworthy of them. Whatever it is, it borders the dark side and is wildly attractive for a short term connection. But, just remember one thing, many bad boys are attracted to bad girls, and that is something you may not be willing to admit –that you’re a bad girl some of the time. Bad boys and girls are often unpredictable, impulsive, and they develop chameleon-like skills to survive in this upside down dating world.

If you’re lucky, flings present themselves when you need one and you’re least expecting one—that exact moment when you're both in the same place at the same time and you exchange looks with heightened desire—lust. Then a fling is a beautiful interlude. And for a chance at that, you have to be ready to jump right in and not concern yourself with the outcome. If you’ve never tried one, you don’t know what you’re missing.


Anonymous said...

As a sidebar to this fling phenomenon.

There are just some people that are marriage material, because they are safe, hard working, and financially comfortable, and because of this, there is no element of danger and excitement. I define this as sitting in front of a fire, with a pair of nice warm slippers, toasting marshmallows. Because they are so dependable, they are your safe port in a storm, you have no wish to rock the boat, so everything is just smooth sailing. However, the problem with this, is, there is very little passion or excitement, there, more often than not, you just exist.

Then there are those that you would never in a million years become involved with on a full time relationship basis, due to different cultures, ages, background, what ever else you know is going to cause a problem between you in the long run. In this situation, you are both attracted to each other, the animal instinct kicks in and this is where you through caution to the wind. You know you will always have your fleeting moments together, you just know it is not practicable on a daily basis.

I am not describing "friends with benefits here", as just tends to be a physical act, where you see other occasionally and that is the be all and end all. I am describing where you really care for each other, but you realize the limitations of the relationship from each side. It just means your stolen moments always mean that much more, as you never know when you will be seeing each other again.

Barbara LeBey said...

Now tell us about your fling(s).

Anonymous said...

My first fling was when I was 18 and she was 43 I think may be 46. It was strange because everywhere we went, we were treated like mother and son. This went on for a short while and I am not sure now if she was getting off on that. I knew that there is nothing more than having a mature woman show you the ropes as it were and she was certainly patient with me. I have also found it a turn on of mine to go with someone a great deal older than myself, for a variety of reasons, but the main one being that I get to learn so much. It is akin to being an apprentice, as you not only get shown the ropes, but have all this wonderful knowledge that you can part to others less fortunate than yourself.

Once I passed 30, the age thing never bothered me, it became just another number. It always seem to bother them and you are right about the stolen moments, in hotel rooms, car parking lots and elevators. I definitely remember the elevators. For whatever reason, certain women, usually in a position of power, need to let off steam, obviously their significant other at home, is not taking viagra, or what ever else he needs to keep it up, so she gets herself a toy to play with from time to time. The practicalities of the age difference, social status, go out the window when you reach the stage, of pure animal lust for each other, regardless of what age you are. Sometimes that animal instinct just rears its head and you just have to act upon it.

I would not change my flings for the world, because they all had meaning, for both of us, even in most cases it was a learning experience for me and I was arm candy for her.

emennis said...

I personally and dealing with a slightly tweaked version of a fling. im 28, looking for a serious relationship, and being offered a fling by a 37yr old man that is in a relationship with a party girl 22yr old, while im the stable one with things in common with him.

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