Decoding Women's English

THE WOMAN'S DICTIONARY

40-ish........................................49
Adventurous..............................promiscuous
Athletic......................................no breasts
Average looking.........................Moo
Beautiful....................................Given to exaggerate
Emotionally stable.....................On meds
Feminist.....................................Probably smart
Free spirit...................................Sloppy as hell
New age......................................Doesn't shave
Old Fashioned.............................No B.J.'s
Open minded...............................No opinions
Outgoing.....................................Too approachable
Voluptuous..................................Obese
Large frame.................................Very obese
Wants a soul mate........................Suffocating
Yes...............................................Maybe or No
No................................................Maybe or Yes
Maybe..........................................Yes
We need.......................................I want
I'm sorry......................................You'll be sorry
We need to talk............................You're in big trouble
Sure, just go ahead.......................You better not
Do what you want to do................You'll pay later
I'm not upset................................Of course I'm upset, moron

You're being attentive tonight.....Is sex all you think about

Marrying A Younger Man Can Work

My next book, He's Not Too Young for You, is about older women with younger men. Last summer while I was in line at a supermarket, the front cover of a magazine at the checkout counter caught my eye. The photo featured a stylish woman holding hands across a restaurant table with her dinner companion. Women look so good today their precise age is hard to know, but she was certainly older than the man sitting across from her. He was good looking, muscular, clean-cut, and wearing an adoring smile. They were sharing a bottle of red wine. My thought--can it work?

I grabbed the magazine and looked inside. More pictures of them skiing on a white mountain, playing tennis, and, the picture that told the outcome--the lovely woman and her young man with a baby in her arms. I skimmed the article. She described her relationship as one that revitalized her life. “Yes I broke the taboo,” she said. “I was 40. He was 28. It wasn’t just sex. Don't get me wrong. Sex was great. But we fell in love. And I did what everyone warned me not to do. I married him. We both wanted children and knew that my clock was ticking so we hurried. As luck would have it, I became pregnant at the age of 41.”

Her first marriage fell apart, largely due to the travel demands of her job. She was distraught mostly because she thought she might never have a child. And then she met Tom at a support group. She described the group as being one “for repairing casualties of divorce.” Tom’s first wife ran off with another man a year into their marriage. “My friends and family warned me against a relationship with Tom. As my sister put it, ‘how can you go with a guy who was playing little league baseball when you were in college?’”

On the last page of the article, there was a picture of the couple with their 10-year-old daughter. The caption read: “The roar of disapproval stopped when we married and had our daughter.”

I drew some conclusions from the article—that there may still be some disapproval; that disapproval evaporates when the couple can demonstrate genuine love, and, most importantly, that these reverse-age relationships do work.

Men Love a Challenge

Though younger men say they like older women because they don't play games, their attraction will wane if you're too available. When he starts expecting you to jump at every opportunity to see him, you're removing the challenge. Let him put forth some effort.

Regardless of the reason, don't be a late night date, after he's been elsewhere, and maybe with someone else. And don't make excuses for him--that guys don't plan ahead. If they want to see you badly enough, they make plans. Forget when they tell you they don't like women who play games. They really do, as long as the game is a challenge and you're not being bitchy.

Fast forward now. You've become intimate. If after sex, he starts a habit of rolling over and falling asleep, or he jumps up, throws his clothes on and leaves without so much as a cuddle, you need to change the dynamic. Do what guys do. Let him chill. After you've made love, get up and walk out to the kitchen, put popcorn in the microwave, then grab the bag and plop yourself in front of the TV while you munch away on the fresh popcorn. He'll be out there in a couple of minutes wondering what happened. Don't whine. Just say, you still felt perky and didn't want to go to sleep. Do that a few times, and he'll get the message. When you stop chasing him, he'll chase you. Better for you that he's the chaser.

We Don't Need Viagra!

In our culture older women are not supposed to be sexy. I can't explain that position, because it makes no sense to me. There are many women in their 50's and 60's who may not be as famous as Raquel Welch or Catharine Deneuve, but they're still beautiful, toned, seductive, and sexy. What's interesting are the number of older men who choose much younger women while they disdain the notion of an older woman with a younger man. It's as if they're saying we don't want you because you're not young enough, and we don't want anyone else to want you either. Don't buy into this absurd and convoluted way of thinking. All it does is play into the hands of insecure older men who have perpetrated the myth that they can be appealing while the woman of the same age can't be. Check it out. These women look a helluva lot better than their male contemporaries, not to mention that they don't need Viagra. For us, everything keeps on working. Maybe Mother Nature had a message to send. Hmmmm. You think so?

The Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin

"Sure, I prefer older women," said one 38-year-old man. "When I do something nice for an older woman, she is so grateful, and let's me know it. With her, I don't feel as if I'm just another useful tool in her kitchen drawer." Showing a man that he's appreciated can be an elixir for him, at times even more than food or sex. And that's something you don't hear much about in self help books or women's magazines. A man will go to the ends of the earth if he feels wanted, recognized, adored. So the next time your man brings a gift or vacuums the inside of your car or runs out to help bring groceries in without being asked, let him know how much you appreciate him. If you don't acknowledge his thoughtfulness, there's a good likelihood it won't continue. Younger women often take men for granted as if they're entitled to whatever is done for them. And living with a woman who has this sense of entitlement will cause a man to stay late at work or to spend a lot of time at his computer in a room with a closed door or maybe stop coming home at all. This is just one of the many reasons men seek the companionship of older women. She expects less and is so demonstrably appreciative when she is indulged that it makes a man want to hang around to keep on caring for her. Did Benjamin Franklin get it right when he said, "Older women don't tell, don't swell, and they're grateful as hell."

The Rich, the Powerful, the Beautiful

Historic beauties and powerful women have been choosing mates as well as lovers from the population of younger men for a very long time. Catherine the Great had frequent liasons with younger men and bore children by a couple of them. As she grew older, her favorites became younger. Eleanor of Aquitaine, the most powerful woman of the 12th century married Henry Plantagenet, 11 years her junior. The French King, Louis XIV, kept the significantly older Madame de Beauvais as his mistress. We know too that Mrs. Christabella Wyndham, the mistress of King Charles II of England had once been his wet nurse when he was an infant. Mary Tyler Moore is married to Dr. Robert Levine, who is 16 years younger than she is. British actor Ralph Fiennes is 17 years younger than his significant other, Francesca Annis. Up to the time of her death, Audrey Hepburn lived with Robert Wolders, who was 7 years younger than she was. Before his relationship with Hepburn, Wolders was happily married to Merle Oberon who was 25 years older, and he remained with Oberon until her death in 1979. Dorothy Parker, brilliant member of the Algonquin roundtable was married to Alan Campbell, 11 years her junior. She too had much younger lovers throughout her life. The writer, Anais Nin 41, who was Henry Miller's lover, had a liason with Bill Pinckard, who was then 17. Writer Terry McMillan's man is 24 years younger. This list could go on and on, but I include it to show that older women and younger men have been pairing up for a very long time. Now, we are seeing it as a growing trend in our general population. Future posts will include others whose names you'll recognize.

Trend or Fad

Are we seeing the Demi Moore effect? According to a study done in April, 2007, by the dating site PlentyofFish.com (POF), there's a surge, not the one in Iraq, but the surge of women age 30 and over who are seeking men 5 to 10 years younger. Are the cougars taking over the jungle? In the U.S., according to Markus Frind, founder of POF, 38 % of the women surveyed had initiated contact with men 5 years younger than themselves and 10% were going for men 10 years younger.
I posted a thread on A Small World asking whether women with younger men was a trend or a fad. The response was unanimously in favor of a trend. "It's not a bohemian practice with my single female friends in their 40's and early 50's," said one female responder. "It's essential. Men of our own age frequently come with all kinds of baggage, emotional, kids, financial obligations, and a little too much cynicism."
One European man's response: "While women often fuss and fret over aging, a cool, confident guy simply doesn't care. In older women, the physical and the intellectual combine to a genuinely sexy effect. Perhaps this is why the Europeans and not the eternally teenage Americans--with the exception of the occasional Katharine Hepburn and Lauren Hutton--age so much more proudly and gracefully. Though a youth-fixated culture tells more mature women they have lost their sex appeal, that is so untrue. Womanly is sexy--at least to me it is."
Another man, 36, said, "I have no intention of waxing lyrical over wrinkles and sagging tits. But these days, women look fantastic for a lot longer. Men look for the big picture, assuming it's not gargantuan. We don't see a few extra lines or a little more cellulite. We see smart, sassy, stunning women who turn us on."

Welcome to Hot and Trendy

This is my first post. I want to welcome you to my new blog and website. Currently, my literary agent is shopping my next and third book, He's Not Too Young For You. This website and the book to follow is for women who are attracted to younger adult men, and for those men who find older women irresistible. It's a happening. It's no longer a taboo. It's in the media, on the Internet, and emblazoned on the glossiest magazines. Madonna, Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn, Joan Collins, Catherine Deneuve, Jacqueline Bissett, are just a few of the Tinsel Town ladies who have blazed the trail. If you're a woman who has spent your time advancing a high profile career and you've neglected your personal life, you may find many of the men your age have already married. Go younger. Lots of women are doing it. You can too. Or, maybe you've been widowed, and you're finding there just aren't enough eligible men your age. Why not consider increasing the number of eligibles by going younger? To navigate this new terrain, stay tuned.